Needles, ugh

For those of you who don't know, I'm what the medical world calls "a tough stick." In other words, you better find someone good to stick me because my veins like to hide when someone is searching for blood. And may I add, because of this title, I know the misery and pain that come along with having to be poked multiple times by multiple people, with each time resulting in the professional fishing around in my arm poking at everything and anything trying to get a drop of blood. It is not fun. With low platelet levels during my pregnancy, I was stuck often during the last 2 weeks of my pregnancy, and then even there after. When I say often, let's say maybe 40 times, not exaggerating.
So, all of that said, today was Bryton's one year doctor appointment. He did awesome. He's in the 75% now across the board. He's doing okay on his milestones, and he was quite social with the doctor haha. But, thank you high lead county, 12 months also means his first blood test, like, real blood test. Turnicate, needle in the arm, blood test. And I was alone. (Thank you, H1N1 for taking my husband from me for this marvelous event.)
So we get to the hospital... and for it to be past nap time, I had a sane, wonderful child. But I found out today that if my child got no other genes from me, he got my veins. They stuck him 4 times before they ever struck gold. And I was the one holding my precious boy down. I was the one he was looking at like, "Why are you letting them do this to me," while tears streamed down his face. Don't get me wrong, I know it's for his good, and trust me, he's been fine the rest of the day, but during that moment, knowing he'd be fine when it was over, I fretted. Momma Bear was coming out as they fished and grinded that needle around in his arm, after minutes of it I heard myself (normally pretty soft spoken) say, "Ok, that's enough, it's time to try something different. This is ridiculous." I had had it. I'd set and held him for many minutes while they fished in one arm, and my shirt was soaked with tears. When they took the needle out and I could love on him he grabbed me around the neck and sobbed. My heart lay broken on the floor, I'm pretty sure. Then, we got to try again in the other arm. And then again, and then again. And I sat and watched, and even helped, as strangers who didn't love my precious son poked needles into his flesh and caused him pain. And I, as a parent, finally understood the "it hurts me more than it hurts you."
And it was just needles, not nails. How God stood by and allowed his son to be beaten and nailed to a cross by people who did not know Him, even knowing the outcome, I will never understand. When Jesus called out, "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?" I feel like it would have been the look Bryton gave me today, "Why are you letting this happen? Aren't you supposed to protect me?!" Everything doesn't have to be a spiritual experience, but I think God has something to teach us in all of our experiences... and I have a growing awe of God as I continue in my experience as a parent.

A Huge Vent

I am tired... exhausted even... nope, I don't even know if that covers it. I've been working a lot lately, subbing that is, and was finally feeling like I was helping contribute to our finances some, Bryton was doing well at the sitter's house, etc. Then, apparently I bring home something more than just finances... some kind of bug... I think it's the flu. Of course, you pay a copay to go to the dr... sit there forever, and they write you a prescription for an antibiotic... gee thanks. So, I've been more ill this week than I have been in a long time. I stayed in bed all day (minus my dr appointment) on Wednesday... Thursday was not enjoyable, and I'm finally feeling like I may be on the other end of this. Bryton has been at the sitter's everyday (there goes those finances), and Aaron's been trying to play breadwinner and dad.
Well, Aaron comes home last night with a fever and a headache, has thrown up 3 times today, and can't beat the headache. (Exactly how mine started off.) My mom was taking Bryton for the weekend (currently the only one NOT sick), but she couldn't get him to nap, so he was there from 10:30 - 4 and she sent him home... so now I'm playing super mom, except my super powers are gone. I don't have the energy to play with him like I should, or the patience... laundry needs to be done... badly, I need to get grocieries, and I don't even feel like getting off the couch. On top of it all, the "mom instinct" in me says, "CLEAN, ALICIA, CLEAN" because I don't want Bryton getting whatever it is that we have (I still say flu), but where is the energy to do that... ugh.
Not to mention this all happens when we should be celebrating his birthday. Ugh, it is so... aggravating, frustrating, irritating... ugh
I swear, if Adam and Eve wouldn't have messed it all up (we would have eventually I'm sure), but I'm guessing there'd be no sickness... thanks a lot sin...

Most Likely To...

For those of you who know my Jesus story you know that my senior year was hard. To really comply with all of the convictions I held I was forced to stand out in the crowd I'd always wanted to blend in to. I consistently carried my Bible with me to class, my music choices changed drastically (they had to at that time, the other "stuff" had crept into my heart), I did not frequent the same places anymore, and, as a result, many of my friendships began to fade.
I can't totally say that I blame them. There was a lot of change going on in my life and in my heart all at one time. It would have to be a lot to take in. Afterall, it was in the matter of a week or so that my life made a complete flip/flop. Many said I had "went off the deep end", others made fun of me and called me Jesus (I cried, but realize now how unworthy I am of that title, but what a compliment it was), and others would not join in with the mocking but would not stand next to me either. Do I blame them? No. I hold no grudges, I harbor no bitterness, and I point no fingers. But do I make any apologies for my change of heart or direction? Absolutely not.
All of that is said to say this, when it came around for the voting of the senior "favorites" at the end of senior year, I would have put $1,000 on the fact that I would have been voted for nothing. Definitely not most popular, definitely not prettiest eyes, or smile, or class clown. I was smart, but knew many others who were more likely to succeed than me. What does book smarts have to do with success anyway? I'm learning, not a lot. So, I took a ballot, turned in my two cents, and went on with life.
And then the results came in. Not only did I receive votes in a specific catagory, I would have lost my $1,000 because I won that category for the girls... most likely to......................................... change after high school. Yep, you heard me right. At the moment of hearing this news I didn't know what to think, but it only took me a minute or so to feel the pain well up inside of me again. Please understand, I may have been a Christian, and God is enough for me, but I really needed a friend that year. I really needed a pat on the back. I really needed someone to say, "Whether I agree with what you are doing or not, I commend your passion, and I am your friend and I will stand next to you." And what I got was being voted most likely to change after high school. It felt like the ultimate blow. It felt like people thought I was fake, like I couldn't perservere, like I'd go to college and go nuts. Maybe they thought I might finally be fun again. Maybe they thought I'd turn my back on my faith. To be really honest, I don't know how else I could have taken it. What IS that category anyway? I had been voted "friendliest" in 8th grade, and now this? I couldn't believe it. I was just ready... for high school... to .... be .... over.
So here I am... 6 1/2 years after graduating High School. Every so often I think about that title I was given by my classmates. It has often been a challenge to me. Scripture talks about those who leave the faith. There have, of course, been times that I've questioned and backslid, as is with most believers, but I have not wavered. I have stood firm on Jesus as my foundation.
Have I been tempted? Sure. Have I had opportunities to wander? Absolutely. Do I feel like I've missed out on anything? Never. (Believe it or not, not even senior prom.)
On the other hand though, they are right, I have changed. I am no longer the timid senior who stood firm, but sometimes ashamadely on her Jesus, I am now a confident young woman who finds her confidance in Jesus alone. I am proud of my faith, I am proud of what makes me different, and I am proud of who I have become. It is my success. (I'm learning that being "most likely to succeed" is not a fair category. What may be success for one person may not be for another.) I believe I have become more loving and less condemning. I believe my confidence change has changed many of my classmates views of me. Confidence, (not arrogance), can do a lot for a person's character. I don't listen to just "Christian" music anymore, but I don't fill my heart with junk or language that is going to give me a false idea of love or happiness. In day to day life, I'm just like anyone... I love my family, a good laugh, a good time out, and my favorite tv shows.
So that being said, have I changed after high school? Absolutely! Was it in the way that was predicted? Probably not. But I believe I have changed for the better... but that I have a ways to go. God is still doing a work in me, and I am still making myself available to that.
Would I have done anything differenly in high school? Sure, lots of little decisions I'd guess, but the biggest, I would have loved myself more and loved people better.
One way or another, I couldn't be happier with how my life is currently unfolding, and my race is not yet finished. I have more perservering to do and more changing... hopefully for the better.

So Incredibly Blessed

Life is full of so many blessings. Sometimes we have to weed through and scrape around to find them. Sometimes they are as obvious as your child's smile. Sometimes realizing your blessings are a blessing in and of itself. There have been times in my life where I have found it very difficult to thank God for my circumstances. There have been times when I have been dissatisfied with myself, when my worry has stolen my joy, and when my outside environment was allowed to wreck a great deal of havoc on my joy. I am not naive. I know that these times will come once again.
Which is why I can praise God for the blessing of realizing the blessings.
It is a great blessing to go to bed at night with a laundry list of things in which to thank the Lord. It often overwhelms me. It brings tears to my eyes. That God would allow such great gifts in my life and would trust me to love and cherish them as His own, that is a blessing.
I dine with, commune with, parent with, and worship with my very best friend. The Lord has given me a husband whom I love and who loves me in return. I will never claim that he is perfect, and he would prefer me not claim that anyway. He has his faults, and I have mine as well. Together, we are two imperfect human beings clawing our way to the prize. I encourage him, he encourages me. We are imperfect, but together we serve as a beautiful illustration of the love of Christ for His church.
And God has made me a parent. I'd be lying if I said I had no reservations about parenthood. I definitely wanted my "married time" before any other person took my husband's affection away from me. (Seriously, that was exactly my thoughts for awhile.) Though I do appreciate, and do not regret, the 3 years, 3 months - 3 days, that Aaron and I were married before Bryton came into the world, becoming a parent has been the most life - changing, and one of the most rewarding experiences I have ever encountered aside from marriage. I love being a mom. The rewards that come with seeing my sons smile, seeing his new experiences, seeing his affection for me and his dad, and having that little head lay on my shoulder, even if for a moment, is priceless. I think now of the sacrifices I would make for my children and to be a mother, and it amazes me. A year ago I had a lot to learn about parenting, love, and sacrifice. Amazingly, the "motherly instinct" (that I believe comes from God), comes quickly and fiercly. My mom saw it in me the first time Zeke met Bryton. The dog, whom we had loved like one of our own children, very quickly became a dog again when Bryton was on the scene. My mom says she could see in my eyes the, "You hurt him, and I kill you," glare as he ran wildly into our apartment. My affections towards Zeke have returned to some degree, but he is, and forever will be, the dog.
Bryton has made me take life less seriously. He, in his 11 month old innocense, has instilled in me a love for fun and spotanaity. He encourages me to laugh at myself, to rough-house on the floor, to splash as much as we want in the bathtub (who cares if the floor gets wet... it seriously takes one minute to wipe up), to have family traditions and to do and see as much as a family as we possibly can. I truly believe that he has taught me to become a better wife, better youth worker, better aide at school, and better friend. My confidence is higher than it's ever been, and though there are probably more stressors in my life than there have been at other times, I find myself less stressed and more happy.
I never want to be my kids' friend at the cost of discipline and their moral character, but I'd love if my kids could consider me their biggest cheerleader and a really fun mom.
As far as friends are concerned, I have some pretty amazing women in my life who encourage me, boost my confidence, who make me take life less seriously, and whom I really believe will be behind me and beside me regardless of what obstacles I may one day encounter. Some of them I have known briefly, some I have known for some time, both are as valuable to me as gold, and they are always remembered as I reflect on my blessings. I love them dearly.
Thank God for opening my eyes to my blessings. Even when the times seem hard and the blessings seem few, they still exist, and it is a blessing in and of itself that my eyes have been opened to see the precious gifts in which I have been blessed. God is forever worthy of praise.

Italian Beef and The Simple Things

Well, you guys probably thought I'd given up on my challenge since I've been so busy... NOPE! This week was crock-pot italian beef. I should preface this to say that this was a huge step for me.
A. I've never fixed Italian Beef. Period.
B. The reason I've never fixed Italian Beef is because I'm certain, without a doubt, that my mom makes the best italian beef in the whole entire world :) (And doesn't know her own recipe, figures.)
C. I know my mom has never fixed Italian Beef in a crock pot, so that scared me in itself.
All in all... it was okay, and I would fix it again, but it sure wasn't like momma's.
Here it is:

2 lb chuck roast

• 1.5cups water
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon black pepper
• 1/2 teaspoon oregano
• 1/2 teaspoon basil
• 1/2 teaspoon onion powder
• 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1/2 package Good Seasonings Italian salad dressing mix
• Small pouring of white vinegar

I mixed all of the dry ingredients with the water, poured it over the roast (in the crock pot), cooked on low for 8 hours. Then I shredded the meat, put it back in the crock pot on low, added the small amount of vinegar and let it cook for another 1/2 hour.
So there it is. Aaron said it's worth doing again... we shall see :)

As for other news. I absolutely love this time of year. As if it wasn't great enough to begin with, having B this year (actually in my arms) makes it even more exciting. His b-day is coming up (in exactly one month from today), which means a 1st Birthday party, (which I'm totally excited for), not to mention Halloween (he's going to be a lion), pumpkin food, pumpkin smells, chilly weather, football, thanksgiving, Christmas shopping and then CHRISTMAS! Yay!
So, I've noticed myself (and this is a good thing), going to bed at night so very thankful for what gifts God has given me now, and so here are the simple joys I find in my every day life :)
-The loving promise from a savior (had to throw that in first)
-My son's smile
-My husband's hug / touch / conversation. I don't know that he understands the depth of the meaning of those things.
-The smell and flicker of a good candle.
-Fixing a nice warm meal... to enjoy together.
-Friendships of great friends
-Cozying up in a blanket
-My favorite show on tv (currently the biggest loser)
-A nice sweet, good, warm dessert... yum
-Pumpkin pie blizzards from DQ!
-A nicely made bed (which unfortunately does NOT happen everyday)
-Our comforter... the best $34 I've spent at Wal Mart
-A clean house and clean laundry
-Right now, a nice, crisp apple
-Playing ball with my son, and even moreso, Aaron and I both playing ball with him. There's something extremely attractive about your husband and your baby enjoying each other!
-Boardgames... and I don't do it nearly enough.
-The sunshine
-Getting a good deal
-Getting sweet, random, encouraging text messages or emails
-Taking sweet pics of my baby boy
-Homemade doughnuts!
-sweatshirts
-Wearing my favorite pair of jeans... I'm getting ready to start looking for a new favorite pair of jeans
-Shopping
-Planning for anniversaries, birthdays, and Christmas ;)

Fruit and Chicken Skewers - New Recipe

Well here it is! This week's new recipe! Fruit and Chicken Skewers! This has been our favorite so far, and SUPER EASY! Scored an 8 on Aaron's scale, a 7 1/2 or 8 on Luke's (our guest taster ;) and an 8 on mine!

Marinade:

• 2 tablespoons brown sugar
• 2 tablespoons honey
• 1 tablespoon lemon juice
• 3 tablespoons maraschino cherry juice
• 1 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
• 1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
• A dash of cayenne pepper
  
• 1/4 cup pineapple juice
• 1/4 cup dry white cooking wine
  
• 3/4 cup reduced-sodium soy sauce

Wisk together in a medium bowl.

Skewers:
1 lb chicken breasts (boneless / skinless) cut into chunks
Pineapple, cored and cut into chunks
Maraschino Cherries
Fresh Whole Mushrooms
Red Onion (cut into chunks)
Other vegetables of your liking

Toss chicken breast chunks, mushrooms, onions, and other vegetables in marinade. Let marinade for at least one hour (mine sate for 5 hours in fridge). Skewer pineapple, and cherries at both ends, sandwiching patterns of chicken and vegetables. (We used metal skewers, if you use wooden skewers make sure you soak them well in water.)
Lightly oil grill grate and grill skewers 10-20 minutes or until chicken is cooked through.
(We also took the leftover pineapple and cherries, put them in a pammed piece of aluminum foil and tossed those on the grill as well... scrumptious!)

Making His Lunch

I've learned a lot in the past week. It's the one reason I had a passion for taing before... because to some kids, school is the best part of their lives. Any encouragement, accolade, or treat they get there could be the only they get... period. You see this is all kinds of ways, but particularly, by kids who bring their sack lunch.
Now, don't get me wrong... there's nothing wrong with the hot lunch line. And believe it or not, some of the food actually looks pretty good, but when the school is serving scoop burgers, or whatever other food a child may hate for that matter, and a parent packs a lunch for the kiddo, well, THAT, is special. While standing at the sack lunch table last week I took a peek into some kids home lives. Little notes from mom, a sandwich with the crust cut off, orange slices, an extra thing of fruit snacks, even strawberry milk in some... that's my kind of lunch. And in an incredible, indirect way, that sack lunch says, "I know you, I love you, and I cared enough to take the time for you today. I hope it makes your day better." (Of course, I never realized this until I became a parent.)
Tonight, though B may be only 10 1/2 months, I stood over his diaper bag, packing into it what he'll eat for his breakfast and lunch at the sitter's tomorrow. It's a new nightly task that I loathe on one hand (it's something else to add to my already full day), but I cherish on the other. Though this little boy will never know, nor remember, that I put the effort and care into his lunch when he went to the sitters, it was my way, as a mother, to show my child that I love him, I care what he eats, and though I'm not with him, I wish, desperately, that I could be. I make sure not to pack the same thing two days in a row, that I know he'll enjoy it, and I try to throw in a little treat... it's his little "note" from mom. So tomorrow, I hope as B eats his cheerios and pineapple for breakfast, and his green beans, cheese (portioned the way he likes it), and orange jello (there's that little treat) makes him think, if even for a second, of his momma packed that lunch with every bit of love she possibly could.