Sunday, April 20, 2008

News News and Such :)

Well, as most of you are well aware by now, Aaron and I are officially 9 weeks pregnant. We debated whether to tell or wait for some time, and finally decided to wait. After an interesting doctor's appointment last week, we decided it was time to tell and get some prayer support. So several of our closest know. It appeared on an ultrasound that I had a very small patch of bleeding on the wall of my uterus, very common apparently, in pregnant women at this point in pregnancy. The only concern would be if this area got any larger. After viewing another ultrasound it was found that the spot had, indeed, gotten slightly larger. The ultrasound tech didn't seem very concerned, but the doctor, taking no chances, gave me some restiction and scheduled another ultrasound in three weeks to check for the spot again. If you all could, you could pray for this spot to go away... this, of course is best case scenario and would imply that everything is fine. If the spots larger, there will be more tests to figure out what is happening in there. Our doctor's appointment is May 9th for this ultrasound. I'm also RH-, which just basically means that I have to get shots to keep my body from forming antibodies that could fight off red blood cells in future pregnancies.
This all actually came as news to me, as the pregnancy, thus far, has been really easy. I don't "feel" pregnant besides a little bit of fatigue and my face being broken out. I've had very little naseousness, which is always fixed by some crackers, and really don't know that I would even "know" I was pregnant other than the obvious reasons. As for the baby, the baby appears to be growing at schedule and the heartbeat is really strong. We're really excited.
God's already shown Himself through this pregnancy, a good thing and great learning experience. After I left the doctor's office the last time with all of the "news" I was a little discouraged. I was already conscious of the possibility of miscarrying, and this just moved that consciousness over to the worry side. It was the day after that I realizedd that nothing I can do, or Aaron can do, or the doctors can do, can protect this baby. (from this particular thing they are concerned may be wrong). I then realized, that even if the babies fine this time that there will be numerous times in this child's life in which I, nor Aaron, nor doctors, will be able to protect this child. The risk doesn't stop on the otherside of childbirth. But even though I, nor Aaron, nor doctors can help and protect that child, God can. And that child is His anyway. And if He decides it's time for that baby to go home, then it's time for that baby to go home. God knows that baby more than I do, scripture says He is knitting that baby together in my womb, and He already knows it... He knows it's gender, name, and all the days of it's life, right now. And you know, I can't spend my whole life worrying about the times I can't protect this little blessing, and I need to let God do it. He loves that child more than I do, more than Aaron does, and more than we ever can... You know, some people wait until months after their babies are born to do their baby dedications. But for me it happened before the first trimester is over. I'm already well aware that this baby isn't mine. God is just giving Aaron and I the privelage and responsibility to raise it up in a Godly household for however long He permits us to do so.
So anyway... that's my soapbox... thanks for reading :)

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

4 Days to Go

After Friday I have a bachelor's degree. It's really surreal. I can't even believe it myself. It doesn't "feel" like I thought it would "feel". In fact, it doesn't "feel" at all. I'm not really excited, though I know I should be.
Maybe it's because I've done college so untraditionally. Maybe it's because despite having a degree, I still don't know "what I want to be when I grow up." Okay, so I have some ideas what I want to be when I grow up, but just not
how I'm going to achieve it. I would love to teach. I'd really love to teach in a Christian school. I think I'm good at it. I enjoy it. I love speaking into the lives of youth and modeling life for them. I'd love to do church work of some sort.
You see, completing undergraduate studies has me wondering about a lot of things. Will I ever find that job that I look forward to serving at every day? The job that I don't mind getting up to go to? Will I even find a job in my desired field? Do I need to do MORE schooling? Will that get me where I want to go in life?
I have a World Vision t-shirt that says on the front, "You Have One Life... Do Something." It's my favorite t-shirt ever. There's so much truth packed into that one line. It can easily be followed by the title of a book written by John Piper, "Don't Waste Your Life."
I don't want to be 80 and wishing I would have done things differently. Not necessarily small things here and there, because those things are bound to happen, I'm talking about big things, things like careers, and traveling, mission trips and fulfilling dreams (the God-given ones of course). But every time I read the front of that shirt I get this urge within me to get to doing... something. It's just trying to figure out what that something is.
So in May I'll have a bachelor's degree. And I don't know where I'll be in 5 years. I know where I hope I'll be and what I hope to be doing, but I'm praying for God's plan and will and direction in my life.
So I leave you with this inspiring message on my World Vision t-shirt...

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Confessions of a 23 Year Old Pastor's Wife

Hi. Most of you know me. Well, most of you who are reading this. You know my quirks, you know my strengths, my weaknesses, my desires and my shortcomings. You know me. I'm 23. I'm finally graduating college in May. I graduated high school 5 years ago. Most of my friends are just graduating, just getting married, just having babies. I'm pretty much in that boat with them. Life is exciting right now. And I'm basically the same as they are. And God called me to be a Pastor's wife. Being a pastor's wife is really great. I have a great ministry and a great call to serve my husband as he serves the church and the community. We have a great heart to see people saved, and we're passionate, together, about our ministry.
But I think people get confused. I think people hear the term "pastor" or "pastor's wife" and they see "sinless" or particular duties that come along with the word. Now those of you who know me know that I sin (and you who are reading this most certainly know me). You also know that I have a heart to not only serve my husband but to also serve alongside him in ministry. But, I must admit, I don't believe my calling or my duty is to serve every woman in the church by being something I'm not.
You see, I was recently approached by an individual who was obviously a little offended that I haven't been making contacts with the ladies in the church. Please, again, don't misunderstand. It isn't that I don't want to know these women or to speak with them at church, but my ministry is with my husband, to my husband, and I'm at church everytime the doors are open. I serve, but obviously not in the respect that she'd like for me to.
And all of this got me thinking. The expectations that are often set for our pastors and our pastors wives are not only unbiblical at times (there are standards, don't get me wrong, just sometimes the standards the church puts on individuals are even more critical than those that scripture put upon us) but are often unattainable. You see, I'm a normal person with an extraordinary calling -- just like you. We all have extraordinary callings as Christians. And by setting these standards on me, not only are you setting me up for failure (because I fail... often) you are setting yourself up for disappointment.
I love the Lord, and I love the church, and I love my life as a pastor's wife. But, just because I'm a pastor's wife doesn't mean that I make a mean casserole, or that I wear a skirt to church every week. It also doesn't mean that I don't enjoy listening to some Coldplay sometimes. My being a pastor's wife doesn't make me want to take part in the woman's scrapbooking fellowship, I really hate scrapbooking. I'm not real crafty. And to be honest, I love hanging out with church people, but when my husband gets to be home, I want to be with him. You see, I break the mold as a pastor's wife... and I bet your pastor's wife might to... if you let her.
Well anyway... just a little sidenote to one interesting ride...

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Hay Bails

If you've ever heard the analogy "This is the straw that will break the camel's back", then you may be able to relate to our lives right now. It seems, since January 2nd, that everyday something else is placed upon us, another straw so to speak, and without fail we always say, "What else could happen?" or "What else could go wrong?" And every time we say, "I can't take anymore, this is the last straw, I can't handle any more." And the next day comes and so does the next straw.
Don't let straw fool you. It may be small, but it adds up... and after a few weeks of carrying these next straws and those next straws, Aaron and I started carrying around these hay bails on our backs. And they're heavy. And they hurt. We literally feel hunched over at the weight of these invisible straws.
And we're here again. We're at another place where, "We just can't handle anymore. This is the straw that has broken our backs."
But God taught me something. Straw, piece by piece, is light. It's not heavy. It isn't one straw alone that will break a back, it's one straw on top of an already full load.
And God said, "Come to me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest." If I can continue to hand to God every straw that's placed on me. If I can give it up, the next straw won't break me. So, it's at Jesus' feet that I lay enough straws to build the first little pigs house. It's at Jesus' feet that I weep and hurt and struggle to lay the straw down, struggle to give it up. It's at Jesus' feet that I regain strength to stand up, walk back, and take the next straw.
And it's exhausting... it's exhausting trying not to hold on, learning to let go, and going back knowing that the struggle is coming again. But it's the only way to get through... it's the only way to push on.
And it's hard. I'll never claim that it's easy... but it's necessary.
I've heard it said that "God will never give you more than you can handle." I wish someone would show me scripture for that, because personally, I believe that God will keep giving you more and more and more until the ONLY way you can POSSIBLY handle it is to hand it over to Him. The statement should be, "God will never give you more than you can handle when you're handing it back to Him." I think that statement holds more truth.
So, here we are, bailing hay... filling the Lord's barn to capacity...
Until next time...

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Unfiltered Blogging

God has an interesting way of stretching us and pulling us and molding us more and more into his image. As Christians, honest Christians, it's fair to say that sometimes life gets rough, confusing, there are questions, there's hurt, and for any of you who know me, I love to write. Writing is the outlet by which I figure out myself. Writing is the outlet by which I discover who I am and how I feel. But as a writer, I can't imagine writing without reading, which is why you're here, I hope.
Feeling as if there's a deeper, more intimate self inside, a person I'm not willing to open up to just anyone, I've begun a new blog, a blog here, and you've been given this address, because I value your opinion, your comments, your prayers. Most of all, I trust you, I know you know me. You know who I am, my imperfections and strengths, and you love me despite both. So, this is kind of the beginning. This is the beginning of a deeper expressed self, and I consider it an honor to have you reading this right now. Please keep checking back, I plan on writing often.