Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Don't know where this is headed...

It is a horrible title for a blog isn't it? I really don't know what else to say though. Somewhere hidden inside of me is this creative, passionate, lyrical side of me that is being repressed by something. Fear maybe. Maybe regret. Maybe busy-ness, or worry. Or maybe a little bit of all of the above. So I feel like I'm this maze of a person, trying to find where I'm headed on the outside, but trying to figure me all out on the inside too. It is a difficult, complicated, tedious task. So when I title my blog "Don't know where this is headed," well, it's because I really don't.
We just returned from World Changers, Evansville, IN. As far as the World Changer's organization is concerned, I was extremely disappointed. The trip in general I would deem as a success. Our group united in an incredible way. It is like no group we have ever taken before. We (the girls) made some incredible friends from Montgomery, Alabama (we know, we're incredibly attracted to accents ;), and grew closer together as a church family / youth group. If nothing came out of WC besides these two things, it was successful. I've been very much inspired to "hang out" with the girls more... to not just invest in their lives but to be a part of them... that's really what it's all about, right? Being the visible Jesus to the best of my ability, well, let me rephrase, to allow Him to make Himself visible through me. I fall so short in trying to imitate Him.
We're now getting into the swing of things back at home, getting ready for VBS and then on to our anniversary, Aaron's birthday, and our vacation. (Which I'm really excited about... I desperately am in need of some romantic moments with my husband.)
As far as I'm concerned, I feel this great hunger inside of me for the Word. World Changer's left me empty. I need a fresh Word from God... a fresh revelation, a fresh promise that he hasn't forgotten me. I see Him working in my patience and I see Him teaching me a ton through parenthood (just like He has and is continuing to do through marriage), but I feel I need more. As hungry as I am for Him, I desire to be even more hungry, more empty, so that when God so chooses to fill me up I oooooze His goodness, His love, His Words.
I've found myself praying and thinking about Bryton often. I'm so afraid of this world that he will be living in during coming years. I pray daily that he'll find Jesus early and yearn and thirst and long for Him. It reminds me of our good friend Mark McConkey's song about his little girl. I'll post the lyrics below. Lord only knows what He has in store for this little boy who has my heart tied around his little finger. He's this little ball of potential that I have the privilege of holding, loving and nurturing. I pray God makes Him a mighty warrior, a winner of souls.
Here's the song:
The shade of morning
The light shines through
The sun rises quickly and kisses you
I've never witnessed a more beautiful sight
Than you waking slowly, your blue eyes seeing the light.
These early days, my wish for you
That you grow up righteous, grow up to be true
You'd find Him quickly, as your strength and your guide
Jesus revealed to you, your blue eyes seeing the light
May the Lord be your shepherd, may the Lord be your fill
May the Lord make you lie in green pastures
May he lead you by waters and restore your soul
May he guide you in paths of righteousness
Even though you may enter the valley of death
I know you will not fear, for you know he is near
He annoints you with oil and your cuppeth overflows
With goodness and love all the days of your life and you'll dwell in the house of the Lord - forever
Now this life goes by quickly I want to know
that you love Jesus more than your daddy,
jesus more than your mom
through trials and temptations may you always do right
with your gaze fixed upon him - your blue eyes seeing the light.

Pretty amazing huh. Yeah, I thought so.


sarah said...

for the record, i think you and aaron do beautifully in loving and investing in the youth, and i think every church needs people who care as much as you guys. you both do such a great job of showing Christ through your actions.

(and i do recommend the newell house for a romantic dinner.) :D

ADGregg said...

awwww sarah you are so sweet - your comment made my day - and i'm soooo feeling that romantic dinner!